Mandyland

Dog-gone CRAZY!

2006-06-13T15:37:00.000-06:00

Today I passed both Doggie Day Spa and a doggie bakery. Now, I have to ask, "What the hell do animals that drink from the toilet, sniff one another's asses, and roll around in mud and feces need with either of those?" I guess it's simple: people have just gone crazy. A dog does not need a massage or painted claws. It most certainly does not need a set of pink ribbons tied on its ears. It is not meant to be carried in a Coach purse? Maybe this is the reason small dogs bark so often. We hear "ruff, ruff, ruff" when they're really saying, "stop the maddness."

What I'd really like to know

2006-06-12T23:24:00.000-06:00

What does a strawberry taste like to you?
If you had $ 35. 56 in your pocket, what would you spend it on?
What scares you?
What is it that makes your life worth living?
What is the best sound you've ever heard?
What do you hope for?
What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
What do you consider humorous?
What do you regret?
What do you look forward to?
What do you dislike doing?
What is your relationship with God?
What does life feel like to you?

Current Mood: Sand floating in the waves
Current Task: Capture the rogue

Professor Triscuit Cracker

2006-01-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

How can a class with a title like Human Sexuality be taught by such a lame person? I was so excited when I found out that Professor Billings was teaching the class. He's funny, smart, and loud. However, I walked in and found this random dude sitting in the instructor's chair. He told me to take a syllabus off the table and I thought, "Well who the hell are you?" His last name happens to be Billings, but I doubt he's related to the awesome psych prof I had my freshman year. This class has a great deal of sensitive material to cover and we students need a teacher with some HUMOR. This guy's version of funny was saying Bill Clinton's famous "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" when discussing the different definitions of sex. I admit, it applied, but come on. He's 60+ years old and posesses a level of comedy that dehydrates one's senses of all possible joy. Also, he repeats things over and over and only rephrases them a little, and keeps repeating and repeating what he's saying over and over again with a great deal of repetition continuously restating things again and again and once again and oh...again. Ok, I think we got it, thanks.

Call it what you will

2006-01-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

So as you may have heard or read, I have recently found my faith again. It's an amazing feeling, which, to some people may appear odd, creepy, or delusional. However, I am bursting at the seems with happiness and love, and life has never been better. You can mock me in your profile, talk about me behind my back, or do whatever it is that makes you feel better. Call it what you will... I'll call it God. BUT I'm happy so as the Beatles said, "Let it Be."

Does anyone find dog sweaters annoying? I was in a patio furniture store today, rocking back and forth in a very comfortable glider, when the store owner's puppy came trotting over to me. It was a white little "purse dog" and very affectionate. As I tried to pet it, however, I struggled with the fact that I was running my hands over cotton instead of fur. Its whole body was encased in this blue sweater with snaps on the front. Besides its tail or legs (which were shaved) there was no other petting alternative. So I sat there repeatedly sliding my hand over his sweater while he licked my shoe. I didn't check to see if it was a "coach" or "CK" clothing item, cause afterall, I didn't feel like puking in public, but since I was in Westlake, I have no doubt some famous person's name was on that pooch.

www.orlandoroman.com Guitar: My inspiration came in the form of one Monte Montgomery, but my reason for continuing lessons is this man- my professor. A tan 30 year old Puerto Rican, with an incredible smile and Andy Garcia type accent. This is one time I wish I was older!

I LOVE YOU FREDO BAGGINS!!! ( A shout out to my homie from fresh year who can't even read this because he's helping fellow Americans in need)

Current Mood: Spicy Tabulations!
Current Task: Find out where they keep the moonshine

orange, anyone?

2006-01-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

Ummmmmmmmm yeah so the TX/CA game rocked. Now we're champions and all even though we got a touchdown we didn't deserve. But apparently that doesn't matter. So who was my favorite player? That would be Matt Nordgren (7) back-up for Vince Young, who stood on the sidelines, singing songs and jumping about to encourage his fellow teammates! Good Job, Matt, that's what being a team player is all about!

I swam with a bunch of manatees

2005-12-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

Conversations I heard/participated in while working on a paper in the lab:

How to stop a dog from humping your leg (fellow gym rats)
Various and exciting ways of writing philosophy papers (led by a guy wearing a surgical mask)
Encounters with Public Safety
Are all smcm baseball players assholes?
The environmental reprocussions of swimming with manatees
Plans for "getting wasted"
Is Jerry Orbach really dead if Law and Order is on t.v. 5 times a day?
Existential reality and questions of the universe
How one guy embarassed a girl by giving her hickies, which her friend said looked like the result of a "bear mauling"
How many times can a pair of jogging pants be worn without having to wash them?
How much Mac computers suck
How much Joanne Goldwater sucks
Why isn't there enough black ink in the printer? Does anyone have black ink? Seriously, this is so lame. We need ink. This school sucks.
The benefits of Adderall and the individuals who sell it
Senioritis and its effects on paper writing

Why periods are great and other random thoughts

2005-12-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Every girl complains about having her period, but I kinda like it. I mean let's think about a few things here. Not everyone can have a period (the entire male populace for one, women over 50, girls under 12, girls on birth control that only get it three times a year, girls who are overly stressed out, pregnant women, dead people, etc). It's also something different in our daily routines. Things can get kinda monotonous being the same old same old, then one week out of the month things are "spiced up" a bit. It's a great color (red!!). This is a sign you're a woman and can get pregnant if you so choose. Chocolate has NEVER tasted so good as it does when you're on your period. Yeah, your skin breaks out, you get pretty moody, bloated, and just when your desire for sex matches an 18 year old boys', you can't do anything about it. But all in all it doesn't suck that much. And if you're moody, you can just throw on some sweat pants, grab a heaping pack of chocolate, watch some Sex and the City, and avoid ppl for a few days. :)

Why am I making diaramas and dances for final projects in college?? Why does my diarama look like it was made by a 2nd grader??

I could REALLY be using finals time to play freeze tag or go climbing

Why the hell is Jessica in Canada and why have I never gotten to go there?

Why do I get turned on when I see boys wearing mesh shorts under sweat pants? (I saw a group of them today...it was nice!)

Why does my dog get SO excited about tennis balls?!

When will I actually settle on an idea for my SMP?

Why are the words "Shmuffin" "Shmagel" and "Shmiscuit" so damn funny?

I'm engaged AND pregnant!!!!

2005-11-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

Patrick, Riannan, Kevin B., Kevin W., Michelle, Jude, Justin, and now Lil' Steve. I know I've said it before, but what's with all the getting married??? Since everyone is constantly shocking me with news of weddings and children, I'm going to do the same. This Christmas break, I'm going to go find some random guy, date him for two weeks, have him impregnate me, and marry him. That way I can say GUESS WHAT?! I'm engaged AND pregnant!! Then I'll shock all of you!!!

A little bout moi: bad news first

2005-11-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

Why I'm bitter/angry:
Every time I like a guy, he ends up getting back with his ex...it's inevitable
I am constantly finding hairballs around our house. Nasty, dusty, excrutiatingly gross balls of hair.
I lack motivation for my SMP
Dane Cook has not come out with new material in a while
I do not have a cat/dog to come home to from class
I constantly smell pot smoke around our house and it makes me gag
I have not been able to do one of my favorite things in a REALLY long time
I haven't been able to climb the wall in a while
School is getting in the way of fun
I have yet to see Dave Matthews in concert...or any band I've liked since my junior year of high school

Why I'm happy:
I can play "100 years" on the piano
I'm learning guitar
I will soon be a certified spinning instructor
I apparently made Bs, not Ds on my two recent psych exams
I like a really cool boy...and he kissed me!
I recently created a climb on the wall that, according to a few ppl, is "a really good climb"
I'm on my way to losing some weight
I recently purchased a weird kind of water that tastes great and has a rooster on the front of the bottle!
I'm earning my own money by working, though it be a TEENSY amount
My dog is healthy and happy and I found out I get to have custody of her after graduation!
Fall colors are AMAZING this year and winter is coming! :)
My brother is coming home for Christmas, so I'll get to see him for the first time in God only knows how long

My man left me for my cat

2005-11-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

So our latest assignment for guitar class is writing lyrics to a song, composing the song, and performing it in front of the class. I'm having trouble coming up with a song themes/titles. These are the only ones I could think of. Any suggestions?

I ain't the kind of woman who'd wear a fanny pack
Chicken nuggets are made from dead lamb hooves
P.Diddy sucks hairy monkey balls
Dane Cook can come anywhere on me!
Some people like the natural smell of armpits
I don't like people who like the natural smell of armpits
Hot cocoa with a lil kick
I'd rather be groping an old man's testes
How hungry would I have to be to eat a worm?
Desperate times in the lacking love lives of Le Women of Harrington 6
I could stop masturbating, but why?
Ok, who farted?!
Being a gynecologist isn't as fun as I thought it'd be
This was a shitty assignment

party time

2005-10-23T12:42:00.000-06:00

So I went out last night with my housemate, Teresa. First we hit up the Green Door where she was able to use her fake id for the first time. Too bad the girl in the picture was the bouncer's best friend. We were allowed in, though warned that if said girl showed up, we'd have to leave. It wasn't too packed there...in fact it kinda sucked. You could actually see the floor and move around, meaning it was far from happening. We played two games of darts in which, to my astonishment, Teresa beat me. Then we decided to get the hell outta Lame Town and head to the Lacrosse party. I'd never been to one, and thought it might be cool to check out. Turns out I was right. Not only did they have a keg, but a bar with lots o liquor. There were tons of beautiful people packed into one tiny house. Beer pong was goin on in the living room, keg was out on the deck, dancing/grinding and bar was in the basement. There was a long line for the bathroom, and people shouting, "I have to take a dump!" who were being directed to the basement bathrom for such procedures. My partner and I lost in beer pong by one cup! Towards the end of the night ppl started a rumor that cops were coming, so it cleared out with amazing speed. the po-po was of course not on the way, but hey, it's a good way to get a massive amount of ppl out of your house quickly. I drove my housemate and her hook-up home, saw an "old friend" on the way back to my house who offered me a beer. I declined, saying he should go get himself laid as I was about to do the same (of course a lie!). I went back and made tortilla and cheese wraps and talked to my friend, Joe, about religion. My gym manager, Megan, showed up, asking to take refuge in my house as her 3 housemates had their boyfriends over for the night. Once again I got no play, but I have been thinking about this situation. I don't want a random hook-up, meaningless, and unromantic. I keep complaining that I'm not being hit on but am I really angry about that? I think I'm not. In fact, I think I'm avoiding one night stands. I've never had one, and don't want one. I want a sweet boyfriend, who, after dating for some time, I can be intimate with, and have fun with. I am not going to find him at a party drinking beer, or at a bar playing darts, or even at this college. I think I'll have to wait to find that sweet guy. In the meantime I'll have fun and be happy with the fact that I'm not swapping bodily fluids with someone whose name "begins with an 'm' I think..."

It's my birthday!

2005-10-07T08:51:00.000-06:00

23 years ago I emerged from the womb. Now I feel old. Has anyone seen my walker?

2005-10-04T23:04:00.000-06:00

Ok, it's been approximately 5 weeks since classes began, and I feel I now have sufficient evidence of professorial and classmate blunders and annoyances to warrant a few grievances on my part.

Victorian Literature Teacher: Jennifer Cognard-Black(aka JCB)...what's with the hyphon? Can't you just stick to one last name? Tries to be the "cool" professor with the "cool" nickname. Attendance policies (2 absences allowed...after that, grade drops). She is currently in Ohio visiting her sister who just had a baby. She cancelled class for 3 days. I say she is only allowed 2 cancelled classes. After that, she gets demoted to teaching high school. She constantly refers to her husband (a male professor here at SMC as "partner") She has a wedding ring and his last name. What's with the new- age terminology? I like her though...not many complaints. She has this penchant for flirting with the brown-noser in our class. Tobias Bates...brown-noser extrodinairre. The class and I watch as they attempt to seduce each other while conversing. While he answers a question, she tosses her hair back and laughs, and he "eye fucks" her. Does anyone else find this annoying????

Guitar Teacher: Orlando Roman ("call me Orlando") ...yes he's hot, but he has a penchant for flirtation as well. (allowed 1 absence, and must inform him of it the night before class through email) A friend of mine, who takes private lessons with him, said that he repeatedly hits on her during lessons, and the guitar playing ratio to the conversation ratio = 1:12. He winked at me once during class and while I should've been flattered, I wonder how many other girls he's winked at.

Dance Teacher: Joe Orlando (Joe)...not gay, though you'd think he is. Hairy and needs to shave. (allows 3 absences) Is fully awake at 10 am because of his penchant for espresso and daily habit of waking up at 4:30 am. Yells at us in baby voices when we do something wrong...highly annoying. Students laugh at it, which encourages this behavior.

Personality Psych Professor: Gail Kosarych-Coy...another one of those hyphons. Wears the same outfit but different colors each day. Has no attendance policy. When she speaks she pauses for extremely long lengths of time, but fills that space with an "uhhhh" which increases in pitch until it explodes into the rest of the sentence. By the time she finishes a point, you have no idea where she started. ex. "Freud....aaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (low to high pitch) tried to ahhhhhhHHHHHHHH prove his ahhHHHHHHHHH theory of dream analysis, by....aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....so on and so forth. Her hair is gray and brown and frizzy, and starts small at the top of her head, but expands in poofiness outward into a triangle until it stops at her shoulders. She reads directly from the overhead, and usually writes one to two important words on the board per hour and ten min. class. Asian kid that sits next to me has long scraggly hair with an immense amout of dandruff dangling from each and every oily strand on his head. He eats anything from maccaroni and cheese to beef jerky during the class period. He makes unnecessary comments during class, sometimes not even relevent to the current topic. He will reference some psychologist that no one has heard of and he and the teacher get a good laugh. She will go on to explain his off-the-subject comment using her "aaaAHHHHH" method, and half an hour later we will be back to where we started before his interruption. Also in this class is the constant talker who loves to hear herself. She will ask a question that she herself answers and makes references to the book and other psychologists to let us all know she's a psych major. Congrats girl in ponytail, you're a psych major. You'll probably end up being a high school counselor responsible for everyone's schedules. Shut it!

SMP Advisor: Michael Glaser...Poetlaureate of Maryland. First time I met with him, he asked me who I was. I told him who I was and about my project. We scheduled a time to meet the next week. Second time I met with him, I confirmed our appt over email and when I walked in the office, he asked who I was. I told him who I was and about my project. We discussed details of our next meeting and what I should bring. The third time I met with him, I confirmed our appt over email, and waited for him outside his office. Half an hour after our scheduled appointment time passed, he entered and asked me who I was and who I was waiting for. I told him who I was and about my project. Fourth time I met with him I simply asked him to sign a sheet for my project approval. He looked questioningly at me and signed the paper. The fifth time I saw him, I was in the English building working on a skit with some classmates. He came up to me and said that he thought he knew me, but he didn't know where from. He said I must be in his creative writing class. I told him I wasn't in it. Then he confidently placed me in his literature in history class. I said I was not in that either. I told him my name, informed him of my project, and told him I'd been in his office two consecutive days that week. He slowly walked away from me and said, "Pretend this didn't happen." I'm thinking of wearing a name tag next time I meet with him.

Negative vibes

2005-09-25T12:14:00.000-06:00

SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!!! "OOH!" (pronounced "eww") "OHH" SMACK SMACK SMACK!!! "OOOH!!!" "OOOOOHHHH!!!" As I awake from a deep slumber, I hear these sounds, echoing through the halls of my townhouse. It is none other than the overly-annoying vocal chants of my Hispanic roomate. The downstairs of our townhouse contains 5 couches and a rug, all of which are doubtlessly being used for yet another late night sexual escapade. I say overly-annoying because I, a 145 lb, 22 year old, caucasian English major from Texas is getting absolutely no play. It has nothing to do with race (my 19 year old housemate, Teresa, bio major, white as a ghost, rugby player, has had sex with 6 different men since we've arrived on campus). It has to do, rather, with attitude. I have attitude, ladies and gents. Problem is, it's the wrong kind. I have no faith in men as caring, trustworthy beings. On the contrary, I believe them to be liars, theieves, rebels, cheaters, players. My compadres claim I send out "negative vibes" towards the male species. After being lied to, taken advantage of, blamed, etc. I have my reasons. Last week while innocently drinking a cosmopolitan and listening to my favorite local band at a bar 2 miles from college, a man came up to me. As I am never approached by guys (because of my negative vibes) this surprised me. He was with a group of friends who appeared more than slightly wasted. Standing in front of me, this guy asks, "What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me getting together." Now friends, I ask that you place yourself in my shoes. What was I to do? A drunk guy approaches with his friends watching and not only makes an unbelievably poor approach, but calls me a guy in the process. I raised my eyebrows, uttered a half-laugh, and went on talking to my girlfriend, who said my behavior was rude. I was shocked. Did she actually expect me to be charmed by this neanderthol? We went on conversing with one another, and sure enough I felt a tap on my shoulder. "You ladies must be in a deep conversation! Where are you from?" We told him where we were from, and went back to talking. Another tap on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to keep interrupting you until you pay attention to me." My friend Megan had now realized what Ihad been attempting to avoid from the start. She informed him that we were in all meaning of the word "together" ( serious lesbians) and that he had no chance whatsoever with either one of us. Pleased that she had taken my side we went back to conversing. The guy stared at us and again attempted conversation. He was not to be deterred. While I give him credit for being so brave, I have to say it was unappreciated. He was drunk, annoying, and unwelcome. Half an hour later, the same guy was flailing about the bar somewhat behind me, his beer spilling out of its cup. some landed on me, and I know I made the right choice in ignoring him from the start. Later that night I said hi to an old aquaintance of mine from freshman year. We got to talking and he began giving me strange looks. My ex boyfriend (who knows how he even got in the bar as he is not 21) came up to me and started semi-yelling at me. Aquaintance guy saw that I was uncomfortable and asked if ex could "get lost for about 10 min." Ex started dancing behind me half an hour later, doing the whole pelvic thrusting on my butt tactic and accidentally spilled some of his beer down the back of my shirt while dancing. I danced a little, but pretty much ignored him and aquaintance ended up asking for my number, which I gave to him out of politeness, even though I just liked him as a friend. This was only a 3 hour period of time. It was unusual to get so much male attention, but was it wanted? You have to see where I'm coming from. So while my hormones rage and I desperately need hot, passionate, sweaty sex, is it worth the trouble of trying to talk to a guy? I say no, and instead grab my trusty vibrator from which no sleezy remarks will hail, and no beer will be spilt.

All faith in men is lost forever

2005-09-25T12:13:00.000-06:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34198

Guitar Goodness

2005-08-31T21:19:00.000-06:00

Is there anything better than having a hot guitar teacher? I think not. Orlando Roman, my cuban, tan, thick-accented professor is so masculine. While he was showing off his classical guitar skills in class, I thought, "Now this is a man." He has broad shoulders that reach from east to west, a great torso, basically meaty...cut me off a piece of that! His smile is so kind and playful, and I wouldn't mind getting a few private lessons!!!

On the Side

2005-08-11T01:47:00.000-06:00

Is it a crime? Is it comparable to murdering my pregnant wife and dumping her body into a river? Is it possibly the same as adding a bit of another's right elbow to a suffle? I doubt it. But when I ask a waiter or waitress to kindly put the dressing off the salad and rather request that it be placed into a small bowl, give me a hamburger with cheese, onion, lettuce, tomato, but bun on the edge of the plate rather than atop the meat, or the heaping pile of fake fruit in a seperate bowl away from the center of my belgian waffle, why do they stop and stare as if my last name name was Peterson or Lector? In reality it's as simple as riding one of those motorized razor scooters that I see all the Lakeway kids on these days. Having condiments or any food accompanying your meal, or rather parts and pieces of your meal placed away from each other in order to protect their texture is a very easy concept to understand- at least it is to me. What person in their right mind desires to swallow a gigantic sopping wet piece of bread only to feel its spongy core cave in at the slightest threat of a bite? I for one believe that it is important to stand up for what one believes in. These are important issues in important times. Though, as I fight for the right to have a dry tasting sandwich I feel my effort is being lost in the all encompasing issues threatening our livelihood today: Did Brad cheat on Jennifer then shack up with Angelina then beg for Jen's forgiveness? Who is Bobby Brown and what does he have to offer us as a people? Do you actually Think You Can Dance? So as I try to prove my case among the ignorant, I take half an hour to order my food in hope that one day I will actually recieve what I ordered and be able to enjoy my house club, no onion unless it's cooked, no ham, tomato and toasted wheat (not white) bread on the side without judgement.

pensive at 12:39 am

2005-08-11T00:41:00.000-06:00

Normality and the reality in which it resides is nothing but dullness in its most damned form placed ever so precisely on a cracker...a dry, Triscuit-like cracker.

an amphibian is mourned

2005-08-10T22:52:00.000-06:00

The other day I decided to take a peek at my dad's fish tank to see how my water frogs were doing. Sometimes they hibernate in their little rock caves or camaflauge themselves in the mass of foliage my dad has placed in his water park for their amusement. However, on this particular day I happened to see one of the frogs, the unnamed one, on the bottom of his 1x2 foot home immobile as a piece of beef jerky. I placed my face no more than 2 inches from the glass hoping to scare the little one into some sort of reactive movement. I then did the dreaded thing- the thing I yell at ignorant and annoying people not to do; tapped on the glass. The frog's compadres all scattered about obviously displeased with the disturbance, yet my little green one simply lie still. He had not floated to the top of the tank meaning I was witnessing a fresh passing. I informed my father of the incident, and said we should bury him next to our recently late feline in the backyard. Then something odd happened; I told my mother about my frog's death expecting to hear a half-hearted "oh really," when her face contorted into an uncalled for mass of frown-age and she appeared deeply sorry for the incident as if she and the unnamed frog had shared a bond akin to kindred spirits. Who knew she even remembered the thing was in there or that we had a fish tank at all? Oddly enough, the frog that DOES have a name, Freddie, who first lived in an overly populated tank in an over-priced petstore, then a plastic sports cup atop my desk, then a tank half full of semi-clean water, then a tank barely full of dirty green water which bacteria itself could not have survived in, then a jar with two holes poked at the top, then the nasty tank again, then finally transported from Maryland, across 5 states, to the oasis that is my dad's tank is presumably still alive. It's like Grace Paley said, "All that is really necessary for survival...it seems, is an interest in life, good, bad or peculiar." I guess ol' Unnamed never shared Freddie's interest.

BLOG WORLD

2005-08-10T12:54:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so does anyone know how to change time settings and such for this thing? I really WAS being pensive at 12:39 am on August 11th, but according to Blog world I'm behind a couple of months.

charcoal shlong

2005-06-01T14:20:00.000-06:00

Well today my parents finally got their money's worth. When my Dad suggested I get a liberal arts education 4 years ago, I never thought I'd be sitting in an art room with 7 other 20 year olds drawing a naked 73 year old man with his legs spread wide. I was a little apprehensive of this assignment, and ended up knocking over my cereal box and school supplies during the process. It's kind of hard to keep track of where everything is when you're working to avoid eye contact with a naked grandpa. After about an hour of drawing the guy I got used to it and forgot he was even naked. It was only when he began dressing in his khakis and sweatshirt that I remembered I'd just seen a 73 year old penis; a member which has been stuffed inside tighty whities/boxer shorts, performed various sexual activities, and generally been in use for 3 times longer than I have been alive.

Winding Down

2005-05-09T06:30:00.000-06:00

Well, this past month has been absolute hell in terms of work. This past week has been even worse. But I only have one more paper and one more final, so all is well. My mom is flying up Tuesday to take me to the Poconos (the Pennsylvania Mountains) so I can get away for a couple days before summer school starts. Everyone I met Freshman year will be graduating on the 14th. It's incredibly sad (I don't even want to think about that). I would write a whole entry about all the good times we shared, but that would make me cry. I will just say THANK YOU to my fellow classmates and friends. It's been a blast. St. Mary's won't be the same without you. I don't know what I'm gonna do next year without you guys!!! Ok, I'm getting teary-eyed, so that's that. What can I say, cept times are a'changin'!

The devil is out to get me and other ramblings

2005-04-27T23:30:00.000-06:00

Tonight I went to the campus store to load up on sugar and caffeine. I purchased two diet Mountain Dews, two packs of fruit snacks, and two packs of jelly beans (6 items). I got up to the cash register and the total was $6.66. The cashier looked up at me and ominously said, "Ooh, I'm going to write down exactly what you bought so I don't buy that. That's creepy." :( I do believe in "signs" and am a bit superstitious. This does not bode well for me.

On a lighter note, I am going to a gay/whore party on Fri. I can either dress as a lesbian, a whore, or a gay man. I'm not so thrilled about showing a lot of skin, so I may go with the lesbian. How does one dress like a lesbian? I could copy Ellen Degeneres and wear a gray pants-suit and sneakers...but who wants to do that?! Portia De Rossy (sp?) is Ellen's girlfriend right now. Who knew Portia De Rossy was gay? I just thought she was always in People under "worst dressed" because she just happened to have a bad sense of fashion. Oh well, I guess I can always dress like a whore. After all, we'll be pre-gaming by playing the Anne of Green Gables drinking game (our own creation) and I'm sure by the time we're through with that, I won't care if I look like a slut. Besides, I want guys hitting on me, not girls. Which brings up an interesting question. If the guys are there, they will either be in drag or dressing in a homosexual manner, so how will I know if they're straight or gay?

This whole campus is FILLED TO THE BRIM with handsome, talented, seemingly straight men who always turn out to be gay. I would say that 60 percent of the males I encounter are homosexual. Is this because I'm living on a liberal arts campus or are all men going from masculine to metro to gay? Exibiting their sensitivity and style seems to be a trend among the general male populace. I'm sorry, but where have all the men gone??? I want a guy who doesn't care about fashion; a guy who wears jeans and t-shirts and watches sports on television and drinks beer or hard liquor, not Strawberry coladas and wine coolers.

The issue of marraige among young adults

2005-04-19T02:51:00.000-06:00

In the past two years five of my friends, all of whom are younger than I, have gotten married. What is going on here, people?! If you're a virgin and are waiting until marraige to have sexual intercourse, but are extremely horny, are you going to love honor and cherish till death do you part for a little romp in the bedroom? Are you going to share closet space with a member of the opposite sex in order to assuage your personal fear of living life after college? I guess people could be marrying for love, but why not wait until you're 25? People supposedly go through dramatic changes between 20 and 25. I hear friends,with whom only a few years ago I was discussing why I slept through the whole week's lesson of Julius Ceasar in Ms. Smith's tenth grade english class, say the words "husband" and "wife." It just sounds so absurd. We are not old enough to be using these words. Ok, I am not old enough for you all to be using these words. I still feel as if I'm 14 years old watching Seaquest on television praying that one day I could touch Jonathan Brandis's lips with mine. But ya'll are married and he commited suicide, so where does that leave me? Oh yes, looking forward to a promising time of being "Aunt Mandy" to your offspring because you are bound to reproduce. And while your family goes on vacations and shares many wonderful life experiences together, I will be sitting in a lazy boy, petting one of my ten cats, and watching Dharma and Greg re-runs wondering how that cooky couple ever got together.

Bon Buffet

2005-04-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

I should've known from the name of the restaraunt that it was the wrong place to go. Nevertheless, Fredo and I braved the cheap Chinese food buffet together, me armed with the knowledge that I had gotten sick from it once freshman year, and him craving mexican. As I ate the squishy undercooked chicken and yellow hypercolored rice, I knew it had been a mistake to venture there. There was not only an odd texture to the food, but too much of a sweet taste for Chinese. It was almost as if the chef couldn't decide what he wanted to make. Every single familiar dish from sweet and sour chicken to wonton soup was the WRONG texture and the WRONG taste. No one else in the restaraunt seemed to notice this fact. There were at least 40 overly large individuals chowing down to their heart's content. On our way out of the place, I noticed a jar full of one dollar bills. The sign on it read, "Tips for the Chef." I thought, there's no way in Hell! My stomach felt quite odd after the experience and when I got back to my dorm room it felt worse. I thought the nausea might be related to my regular stomach problem, so I just took some Imitrex and hoped it would calm my stomach down. Two hours later I was writhing in my bed, nausea and pain tearing up my stomach. I was sick the entire night (there were times when I thought it would never end and I would have to move into the bathroom). Dozens of Saltines and bottles of gingerale aided in the recovery of my stomach so that I was well enough to go see The Pacifier tonight. It was an entertaining movie (highly unrealistic) but entertaining nonetheless. So here I am at 12 am, no wait, 1 am cause we lost a whole hour (I HATE THAT) and ready for a good night's rest with the knowledge that I will never again eat at another foreign food establishment in the white trash hick town that is Hollywood, Maryland.

2005-04-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

An apathetic Amanda attempts to survive the end of the semester as papers, tests, and projects bombard her life like male pre-teens on a porn site. I'm exhausted and I need fun!

Happy April Fool's Day! I practice this holiday year 'round, so I think I'll take the day off.

language and pronunciation

2005-03-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

I realize that not everyone cares about how punctuation should be used, or about the correct use of grammar in a sentence. I can accept that. What I cannot figure out is why ebonics is spreading across this campus like the plague. As I walk along the dirt paths to class enjoying the fact that I attend a college which is not only unsurpassed in its asthetic beauty, but has students who were top ten percent or higher in their classes, I cannot help but wonder why I constantly hear unintelligible mumbling of ridiculous phrases as I pass these apparent high school wonder kids. Our school is an honors college and therefore should be recruiting students whose intelligence and creativity (it is a liberal arts college) is at a pretty high level. However, here I am passing these people hearing "Wa' up d' les bounce fo rea,' Yo." I know for a fact that St. Mary's College accepts people who were not in the top ten percent of their class, because I am here. Although I have surmised that this is due to my out-of-state diversity which they wished to add to the ever-so-eclectic mass of students. I do not however appreciate the deformation of the english language. It's like a volcano erupted and all this extremely hot and harsh mafic liquid is spewing forth from a once calm and pristine structure. What is most disturbing is what I refer to as the "Eminem men;" those who are so deep into this world of ebonics that they wear dew rags and huge jerseys and shout "Yo motha' fucka'! Kno wa' 'm sayn'." I'm sorry, but it's weird. We have such a diversity of students here. We have desperado cowboys, white trash, gamers, cape wearers, philosophy geeks, theatre freaks, punkers, slackers, hipsters, metros, lax preps, jocks, reggae hippies, openly gay lovers, angst-ridden artists, schoolies, goths, anime afficionados and more. And I always say, "To each his own!" But when an Eminem man and his friend attempt to communicate with each other and have to repeat themselves several times "what?" "what?" "what the hell did you just say?" (I was lucky enough to experience this just yesterday) I have to shake my head and wonder, "Yo Dawgs, what the shiznit is up with this?!"

"Well, Heaven-O to you!"

2005-03-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

Residents of Kingston, Texas have decided to take it upon themselves to change the word "Hello" to "Heaven-O." The latter version of the greeting apparently creates a sense of serenity whereas the former leads to anxiety. I have never gotten a negative vibe from the word "Hello," and simply because the word "Hell" appears in the spelling, I doubt the Pope would have a problem with saying it. All you southern religious fanatics need to calm down and think about what you're doing. I say you cannot simply alter the english language at your leisure. In fact, the only thing that can come from this idiotic act is embarassment. That's right, Kingstonites, you are creating quite the bad reputation for fellow Texans everywhere. The next time I say I'm from Texas, someone will laugh and retort, "Well, Heaven-O to you!" Texas is already getting slammed for producing a president who, although support him, does seem to lack the social skills and intellectual capacity we all seemed to learn/gain in elementary school.

Don't mess with the English language, and Don't mess with Texas!

Spring Break

2005-03-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

As St. Mary's College students spend their last remaining hours before Spring Break slaving over their last papers, taking their last tests, and procrastinating their last bit of homework, I watch as the decline in academic moral slowly fades from a bright shining star of studiousness to an attitude which can only be summed up with the phrase "Eh, that's good enough." Hours, days, and even weeks before this celebrated independence from school joyfully carries us from our dorm caves, uncomfortable wooden electric chairs, and library divider cells, teachers and students alike become obsessed with the idea of the break; everything once important seems too trivial to deal with. For students, attending class becomes secondary to packing your tankini for the Keyes. Professors read emails sent a week prior to class giving excuses of illness and computer crashes, realizing the attempt to hold class is simply futile.

Oh my dear Spring Break, I feel your sweet scent approaching my nostrils, eager to breathe in your calming essence. Come to me, fly fast with wings outstretched and gently pluck me from this swelling academic abyss. Set me down on Texas soil so my lungs can inhale the southern air, so my eyes can see the vast beauty of the land. Allow me to experience Southern Hospitality at its finest, cause God knows northern people are ruder than Kirstie Alley on Atkins!